Raising Kids In A Crumbling Culture

Dr. T. D. Worthington

“And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.”

Deuteronomy 6:6-9

 My Mom and Dad did a great job in preparing me for life.  I grew up self-assured and confident that I would be up to any challenge life tossed at me.  I was taught that I could be successful in any endeavor, as long as I was willing to work for it.  I grew up loving my country, believing in God, and believing that as an American, I had the freedom to excel, and nothing could ultimately hold me back, but my own lack of determination.  My only danger was in selling myself short, by setting small goals.

And it worked.  By the age of 25 I was making more money than Dad had ever made, I drove a newer car, and lived in a nicer house.  I know that is not the way to qualify life, but since I was not a Christian at the time, that was my measurement of success.  Mom and Dad, regretfully did not lead me to Christ, but otherwise they did a great job in preparing me for a prosperous American life in the early 70’s.

When Sherry and I became parents, we adopted many of the same values that our parents had instilled in us.  On top of that, by that time we were Christians, so we were also able to impart the blessings of being children of God to our kids.  Just like our parents, we wanted to prepare them for life.  In adopting some of the lessons of our parents, we found we needed to modify a few things.  The world had changed.  Temptations were different.  But still, we were able to take the parenting template from our parents, and with a few tweaks, it worked pretty well for our kids also.

For years I have been entreating you to raise your kids the way I was raised, because it worked so well for me.  I urged you to raise your kids the way we raised ours, because that also seemed to work out quite well.  But I was wrong.  I was raised to live in a strong and prosperous America; a place where any man could lift himself up with a little hard work and determination.  My country was a safe place, a place of good basic morality, so I tried to teach you to prepare your children as I was prepared.  In my world, we all pretty much knew where the boundaries were, and most folks stayed within them.  I was given a good education in a government school and was taught to be a man, and expected to be one. 

My upbringing was quite simple:  Always do the right thing, or you will pay a price.  Unfortunately, I paid a lot of prices.  That “right thing” was confirmed and agreed upon by every authority figure in my life; parents, grandparents, teachers, neighbors, pastors, friends, and my heroes, all rendered the same message.  It was a uniform message, and if I ever needed a reminder, the Ten Commandments, teaching honor, respect, and godliness, were clearly posted at home, at church, at school, at our little post office, at the grocery store, and even exemplified in many of the television programs I watched. 

I was wrong in instructing you to raise your kids the same way.  Sure, the Scriptural principles of parenthood are still the same, but you are living in a totally different world.  I was taught how to live in a vibrant economic and moral culture.  A love of God and country was a given.  Men were men, ladies were ladies, right was right, and wrong was wrong.  Your world is not like that.  There is very little right and wrong today that society can agree on.  I guess that is why many of us older folks feel a bit out of place.  You see, I was taught how-to-live in yesterday’s America.  Your kids need to be taught how-to-live in tomorrow’s America.  In other words, you must teach your kids how to live in a crumbling culture. My world was simple and safe.  Your child lives in a world of confusion, conflicts, and chaos.  You are afraid for them to ride their bikes down the street, and I understand why.  Technological advancements, new forms of drugs, and shifts in acceptable morality and behavior are unfamiliar territory for most of us older folks. Single-parent households were a rarity in my day, but they are common place today.  My Mom didn’t work outside the home, so she was home when I was.  Our home was stable, predictable, and pretty much like everyone else’s.

I had dozens of positive role models which provided me with guidance, support, and valuable life lessons.  Many of those role models lived right on our street, others were older kids at school, characters on television, or in the books I read.  Most kids today are not so blessed.  I hear about establishing safe spaces for children. I didn’t need a safe space, as my whole world was pretty much safe.

Literally, within the last few years, the entire culture in America has turned upside down, and our kids are standing at ground zero. What was right just a few years ago is now seen as wrong. Almost every perversion is socially acceptable.  If we don’t work hard, our children are going to become victims of this crumbling culture that we live in.  I am not suggesting you toss out everything you were taught about parenting, but we live in an entirely different time with more concerns and more dangers, and for the first time in history, we have a generation of kids who aren’t outside exploring the world, creating their own toys, creating their own stories, and building their own fantasy worlds.  Unstructured play, rolling around in the grass, or playing in the dirt are crucial to human health and development. We can no longer dismiss them as silly parts of an old-fashioned childhood.  Kids need to learn to carry themselves with confidence and find joy in their work and in their world.  They need to learn to solve problems on their own and face the childhood giants of their own lives. 

We have failed to properly educate our children to cope with the modern world.  By this, I am not just referring to our failed educational system, but also to parents and guardians that have likewise failed.  Our very definition of education has changed.  The real principle of learning is not so much mental as it is moral.  Education is not as much about learning to understand and master the world, as it is to understand and master yourself.  Modern education makes us proud of achievement when we should seek to be proud of the person we are.  We are told today that modern kids work harder after they are rewarded or praised.  True character works harder after it has been justly criticized.

Here is the point.  In a crumbling culture we all have to be better.  Parents and grandparents have to be better.  Teachers have to be better.  Preachers and bosses have to be better.  If we fail to accept this challenge to be better, our kids will not be prepared to dwell in a crumbling culture.  Here are a few things that have always been important in preparing our children for life, but today they are perhaps more important than ever.

Teach Them Who They Are.

It is hard for me to believe that this is even a thing, but today it is.  This has been caused in part by the reversal of roles between men and women.  Men have been feminized and many women have assumed masculine roles.  Teach your little boys to be men.  Teach your little girls to be ladies.  In a single parent home this can be a real challenge, but it is a goal we should seek.

Teach Them the Concept of Standing Alone.

I never had to worry much about persecution, but your children, especially as Christian kids, will face it.  Kids seem to be unwilling to stand up to their peers, unless they are in a group.  They refuse to voice opposition to things they know are wrong.  As parents, we need to empower them to stand for what is right and to do so respectfully.

Teach Them to Be Thankful.

Gratitude changes everything. It determines your joy in life. If you can always find something to be grateful for, you will always be able to find joy.  We live in an entitled society so it naturally seems that gratitude isn’t as present in the world today as it used to be.  Instead of focusing on what we don’t have, we must learn to enjoy what we already have and live our lives now.

Teach Them About Worthy Heroes.

In this age of conflicted comic super heroes and scandal-ridden celebrities, many of our children are confused about what truly defines heroism.  Superhero movies, comics, and clothes generate billions of dollars worldwide.  Good guys defeating bad guys and normal people who end up with supernatural skills and abilities are messages our hearts long for.  But if comic book superheroes are the only ones our kids know about, they are going to be short changed in life.  Most likely all except our youngest children have already determined that these heroes are not real.  Kids need some real heroes, and it is a parent’s job to teach them.  Real heroes may not be able to fly through the skies or shoot webs like a spider, but neither can your kids.  Give them heroes that did things that your children may grow up to do.  I had a lot of heroes growing up, and yes some of them were make-believe, others may have been a bit embellished, but many of them were real.

Teach Them True History.

We need honest teaching of America’s history in our homes and schools.  Instead of promoting inaccurate and unpatriotic concepts, our schools should teach the true story about our nation’s incredible, yet imperfect history.

Teach Them to Obey.

Training your children to obey has gotten a bad rap in this modern world. Even Christian parents are often uncomfortable with the word obedience. But as Christians, we need to follow the ways of God when raising our children. It’s clear in the Bible that God commands children to obey their parents. And by definition, true obedience is first-time obedience.

Teach Them to Accept Responsibility.

By this, I mean teaching them about duty and responsibility.  The simplest way to explain duty to children is “doing the right thing even when no one is watching.” Don’t do something simply to gain praise or reward, do it because you know that it’s the right thing to do in your heart. If you drop your trash on the ground, pick it up even if there’s no one around. Do your job and do it well.  Honor your commitments.  Fulfill your word and always be dependable. 

Teach Them to be Modest.

Being modest used to be the norm, but no more.  People who dress and act immodestly seem to get the most attention.  We used to call it negative attention, but not anymore.  For our daughters, we need to teach them that modesty is beautiful. For our sons, we need to teach them that it’s important not to objectify women. Modesty is attractive, even in men.

Teach Them to be Kind.

One simple act of kindness can accomplish so much.  Nothing feels greater than when someone is kind to you, and nothing gives you more purpose than being kind to others. Kindness isn’t just something you try to show whenever you remember. It’s a natural, subconscious characteristic that prompts us to look for opportunities to be kind.

Teach Them to Forgive.

Forgiveness is a powerful quality to possess for many reasons. We are expected to forgive one another because God forgives us, despite all of the many sins that we have committed. So, it is only right that we can forgive each other as well.

Teach Them About Faith.

An easy way of explaining to children what it means to have faith is to believe in something even when you can’t see or prove it. Faith in God is enough to get us through the hardest of times, giving us hope when nothing else can.

Teach Them to be Humble.

Humility and pride are a little bit more challenging to explain to young children. To have humility and be humble is to be willing to be vulnerable and admit your mistakes. It means knowing that you’re not perfect, you are not always right, and won’t be the best at everything you do. To be humble is to trust in God’s word more than your own knowledge and opinions.  Many adults cannot bring themselves to say “I’m sorry” because they were never taught the concept as a child.

In Closing:

Here is the simple truth that parents need to constantly pour into their kids: You were created by God, in His image, to change the culture and not for the culture to change you.  Why would you want to fit in to a crumbling culture?  Why would you want to be conformed to this world?  God has positioned parents to steward a child’s heart and mind for Him. While the roles change over time, the goal never does. Sadly, America has become a morally and spiritually darker place for our sons and daughters. Yet, the darkness of this age doesn’t need to define our children. In Christ Jesus, God has made them for so much more. As the world grows darker, their lights can shine brighter. Our kids need to grasp this reality at an early age and see it lived out in our lives. They need to know that the world doesn’t determine who we are or how we live, our relationship with God does. In the hands of our Lord, our children can grow into men and women who might change this world and not become victims of it.

One final thought.  Mom and Dad were good parents, but you have a bigger job than they had.  You have to train your kids to survive in a crumbling culture.  What kind of culture?  This kind…

A culture where… “men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.”

II Timothy 3:1-5

Dr. Worthington has been in the ministry for over forty five years and serves as President of Pathway Ministries and Christian Bible College.